“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk on water or in thin air, but to walk on the earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child – our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
The newbies wanted to go up and see Big Bear Lake, so we left our packs in a pile beneath the best ascent to Little Bear Lake, and veritably floated up to the lake. Without the tormenting weight of a backpack, our feet danced frivolously on the path that wound through the bushes, crossed the outlet stream, and emerged at the only good campsite – which was surprisingly occupied by the implements of a small but neat group. They were absent (probably off somewhere fishing), so the six of us fanned out near the shore and did our best to appear as though we weren’t staying very long. The amiable character of the lake sparkled in the lovely afternoon sun of this spectacular day, and the ever-present breeze chilled the wet spots on our backs. We saw two guys around the south side of the shore, perhaps a hundred yards away. When they saw us, they were probably horrified that a motley gang of hikers had invaded their tranquility, and they waved without much enthusiasm.
I pointed out the highlights of the rim, 600-800 feet above the lake, and Nate exclaimed his intent to climb every peak. Having spent much time negotiating the rugged terrain in these parts, I just kept quiet and let Deion ridicule him; exercising his prerogative as the older brother. We poked around for a bit just for fun, discovered a few halfway decent alternative camping sites for future reference, and then made our way back to our packs because the sun had already slanted in a westerly direction. “It’s about another hour to Little Bear,” I offered unnecessarily, for the benefit of the neophytes.
With the tortuous loads wrestled back in place, we picked our way up the most difficult ascent. Owing to the fact that this side of the bluff was so steep and ornery, we figured it was advantageous to gain as much altitude as we could and come out above the worst parts on the other side. This proved to be a good strategy, but the magnificent views we left behind kept distracting us from our task. Chris kept pointing out various sights of interest as a way to provide Jodi with ample rest opportunities. She was beginning to get that exasperated “Why the hell did I let him talk me into this?” look, and she bludgeoned her beau often with baleful glances; muttering vague threats regarding his private parts. Her attitude changed dramatically when we crested the bluff and could see the gorgeous panorama of the Bear Creek valley to the east, capped off by the stately profile of Mt. Shasta. The route up to Wee and Little Bear appeared tantalizingly close in the clear air, and we had gained good altitude and could see a clear path ahead.
With the promise of virgin fish to catch, Greg adopted a new determination and (thankfully) stopped his ceaseless chatter. Nate forged ahead with him, not wanting anyone else to get there first. It was amusing to Chris and I, who had traversed this deceptively easy-looking mountainside before, to watch them disappear into one ravine after another, only to reemerge cursing, looking for a better route. We knew to maneuver above the crevices and avoid the mirages that falsely promised a direct line to the lakes. “Short cuts make long delays,” Chris said for the hundredth time.
With the vast scale of the looming Sawtooth Ridge behind us, the distant, brooding Shasta, and the coyly receding gap to Wee Bear, I felt like a little bug scrambling across a hot gravel driveway. Greg and Nate were having a contest to see who could knock down the most rudely intrusive rock cairns that others had placed. These were well-meaning I’m sure, but they actually deprived others of the fundamental privilege of finding their own way in the wilderness. They also do more damage to the wilderness, by focusing foot travel over the same fragile plants and meager soil. Following a “trail” that someone else has left makes one passive and detached in the manner of a sightseer following a prearranged tour, while finding one’s own meandering route cross-country invites merging with the terrain. Besides, it was blatantly obvious where the upper lakes were, so rock cairns were unnecessary, and a blight on the pristine quality of the high country.
The extra efforts expended by Greg and Nate were allowing the rest of us to stay close, so when we arrived together at Wee Bear it was in the respectful, communal manner of a tour group entering a famous wing of an art museum. The bright white rocks framing the diminutive lake gleamed as though they had been scrubbed for our arrival, and the exquisite trees on the far shore were radiant in the afternoon sunshine. One by one, we crossed a convenient log at the edge of the lake to get to the little shoreline footpath, and all lost their balance for trying to take in the stunning views. Greg and Nate whooped and pointed at the fat, unsuspecting trout lazing in the emerald shallows. Jodi beamed at Chris, whose immensely pleased face had “I told you so” written all over it. Deion just gurgled and ogled at the lake, smiling widely at me with his wry little grin, then gaping some more, gesturing with his hands outward and struck dumb by the grandeur. I was blissfully happy to have returned again, and to have brought so many who would now share the secret. My sense of satisfaction and goodwill was vicarious, like a kind teacher who had brought underprivileged children to see an original Van Gogh for the first time.
Our happy little party fairly waltzed around the wee tarn, and boogied ecstatically up the brief trail to Little Bear. Once again, we had it all to ourselves. The best campsite was beautifully prepared by the skilled hands of the mountain staff, with a fresh layer of golden pine needles instead of a mint on the pillow. We shucked off our packs like the spent fuel tanks of rockets, and surged weightless into space. The sun was at the perfect afternoon angle to glitter like a million satellites on the lake’s surface, which shimmered before the indigo and purple backdrop of the dramatic granite wall soaring up to Altamira’s spire. The water was almost warm in the shallow areas, and all of us except for Chris and Jodi stripped down immodestly to our underwear, and immersed our pale, trail-worn bodies in the cool crystal baths. Curious baby trout came and nibbled at our mistreated toes, and we sat stupidly, grinning at each other – mute imbeciles who shared an ecstasy so meaningful it was embarrassing.
After soaking happily in the cool water, Chris and I proudly gave an animated tour of Baggins End and the natural stone cave, and all were duly impressed. There was still no sign of bears or other inhabitants, except for a pack rat’s nest in the amazing stone fireplace. We lit it to demonstrate the excellent draft of the chimney, then put the fire out and removed the ashes to return the cave to its unspoiled state. The weather was too fine to stay in the darkness very long, and we were each keenly aware that the sleeping spots had not yet been assigned in the camp, so we ambled back competitively as a group; each not wanting the other to return first and stake a claim.
As it turned out, making camp was much more interesting with a larger group of people vying for the choice spots. The hierarchy respected female comfort, and so Chris and Jodi pitched their little love nest in the choicest spot: a natural “bedroom” formed by an unusual u-shaped cluster of a dozen small white pines, which offered easy anchors for the guy lines of the tent. Jodi rinsed out her trail clothes in the lake and hung them on a clothes line, and the whole scene looked conspicuously domestic. Deion and I, being the eldest single males, unrolled our sleeping bags crudely in the other two flat spots in the spacious camp site, leaving Nate and Greg with a choice of either sleeping in unlevel ground to stay close, or making camp in the adjacent, smaller camp site where I first stayed at Little Bear with Rob and Dave. With spiteful bravado, they decided to camp all the way across the lake at Bumblebee Springs, in rebellious secession from the unfair rules of the pecking order. They graciously decided to hang around for dinner, though.
We all rustled up some wood for our cook fire, and were gratified by how quickly the mundane camp chores were completed with so many hands pitching in. I showed the group the “Neanderthal” method of breaking the deadfall logs for the fire, by hefting a large, sharp rock over my head and throwing it down on a log propped up on another rock. The technique demanded agility and timing to simultaneously leap away and out of the line of any flying pieces of log or granite that resulted from the primitive force. I’ve never been hurt by this method, and it’s a very satisfying use of testosterone (and saves the weight of carrying a hatchet, too).
The ample firewood that lies about the Little Bear Lake basin is absolutely the finest, most amazing burning material I’ve ever encountered. Owing to the rough winters and partial shade of the pocketed forest, the slow-growing wood is incredibly dense and pitchy. A single log the thickness of an arm will burn for almost an hour, producing a fine, intense heat with minimal popping. Instead, the wood flares evenly – almost like a gas fireplace – hissing and flaking off ceramic-like pieces that ring and tinkle as broken teacups in the fire bed. These amazing logs radiate so much heat for their size that it’s possible to have a smaller fire, feed it less often, and cook whatever is needed by scraping the hellish embers into a trough shaped by two square rocks. We adopted two rules that were easy to keep: one, to use only exposed deadfall wood so as not to leave ugly scarred trees, and two, to make a fire ring as small as possible in a manner that allowed easy disassembly and cleanup just before leaving. In this way, we practiced the “leave no trace” tenet that should be practiced by any considerate guest in such unspoiled surroundings. We wound up reducing the size of an unnecessarily large fire ring some uncaring campers had left behind, and concealing the rocks cleverly to repair the blight that humans so thoughtlessly wreak in wild places. In the morning, the ashes from our fire were so fine that they flowed like quicksilver when stirred by a stick, and live embers hid deep within the ash pile, ready to flare up a new fire with a mere handful of needles. Knowing this, the protocol for putting out our fires at the end of a trip was meticulous and multi-staged, with deep digging to ensure the many dousings of water extinguished all the buried coals. After a final scattering of new, flat rock chips (not flammable needles or sticks), one could not tell a fire had ever been there.
Late that first night, when the moon had already dipped behind the rim, we were disturbed by a dragging and rustling sound, punctuated by bobbing flashlight beams and sheepish curses, as Nate and Greg returned to the security of the group. The spirits of the lake had been too intense for their puny little brother sensibilities. They swallowed their pride like sour whiskey and made faces, opting to sleep on the unlevel ground. In the morning they were tangled together, in a knot of flannel and nylon in the downhill bushes, with twigs and pine needles in their hair, and snoring shamelessly in a rattling imitation of drunken lumberjacks.
The next day was reserved on our itinerary for a recreational fungus experiment: “A Random, Uncontrolled Study of the Effects of Psilocybe cubensis on the Mental Functions of Backpackers at High Altitude.” To give our study a good chance of success, we had brought enough mushrooms to make a bear think he was Elvis. Excepting Jodi, who was the designated study nurse, moderator, and “control group,” we were all planning on consuming our unappetizing, dried stems and caps for breakfast in lieu of the usual oatmeal or powdered eggs. I actually mixed mine with apple & cinnamon oatmeal, because I can’t stand the taste of “magic mushrooms.” Yuck. But now I know why that Quaker oatmeal guy is smiling!
As I choked down the sweet, moldy-tasting glop with plenty of water, I reflected on the first early ancestors of humans, who were so desperately hungry that they actually ate something growing out of animal shit. Or those first culinary daredevils who ventured to eat mushrooms at all, which I’m sure had a lot to do with the early natural selection of Homo sapiens. Let’s just say that some of our oldest fungophile DNA never made it into the gene pool. I imagined some poor guy – probably a captured enemy or lowest warrior on the totem pole – being forced at spear point to try a strange new variety of fungus while the rest of the starving tribe watched and waited to see if he would die. If he didn’t, there would be a modest feast, with perhaps a nice wild rice risotto or ostrich egg omelet. If he died, the mushrooms would be duly noted in the oral tribal archives as ones to avoid, or maybe to be used on the tips of pointed sticks against enemies.
Then there was the insignificant caveman one long-forgotten spring day who was cajoled and browbeaten into eating a certain sickly yellow mushroom that sprouted out of fresh mammoth dung after a heavy rain. Not only did this involuntary food taster survive after being the first human to eat a psilocybin mushroom, he quickly became the most popular member of the tribe! It’s possible that the first magic mushroom trip coincided with the beginning of religion, or shamanism. It’s also possible that, after watching Alley Oop have the time of his life, the rest of the tribe couldn’t wait to try the ‘shrooms out for themselves, and the first Burning Man celebration was born. I’d be willing to bet that hacky-sacks, patchouli oil, and the didgeridoo were also invented during that epic, prehistoric festival. It’s safe to say our little part-time tribe wasn’t breaking new ground that day, but we were determined to follow in the spellbound footsteps of that inaugural shaman. It’s a fact that the brain capacity of the human skull expanded rapidly around 100,000 years ago. Some paleontologists believe this expansion was caused by man’s emergence from the forest, and encountering the droppings of large, herbivorous mammals… and the mushrooms growing in them! We intended to test and verify the “Stoned Ape Theory,” as it is called, but without the mastodons.
My own research protocol was more personal. I was one of those mushroom enthusiasts who considered psilocybin to be an entheogen, or spiritually-enhancing agent. Of course, the degree of spirituality attained depends on the acolyte, the setting, and the personality, but in a world where more spirituality is sorely needed, I am saddened by the fact that our oldest stepping stone to the sacred is illegal. Instead of being criminalized, it could be used as cheap therapy for millions of people who need to learn a new way of thinking. I intended to break not only the law, but the fetters that bound my soul to a waning self-image. I was still very lonely, and depressed about not having a girlfriend, and looked forward to experiencing an entire afternoon where everything was okay.
With our stomachs devoid of other nourishment, our bodies rapidly assimilated the mushroom toxins. Our minds devolved 10,000 years, joining the primitive shadows dancing around the flickering campfires in our brains. Soon I was intensely contemplating the sap rising inside the trunk of a pine tree, and flowing out its branches to its needles. Chris was being called by the echoes of tribal chants, and apologetically tearing himself away from the conjugal constraints of his girlfriend. “Go, just go!” Jodi laughingly teased, and shook her head while tidying up a messy campsite left by the denizens of the new fungophile tribe, who were gleefully exploring their newly enhanced surroundings. Greg and Nate were flopping and splashing like spastic cubs in the shallows of the lake, trying to catch a trout without a pole or a net. I think at first, they were attempting to use their walking sticks as spears, but this soon degenerated to whacking each other and laughing. True to his personality, Deion had withdrawn to a discreet corner of granite wall, and was happily huddled in on himself in a bemused attempt to take bearings on his mental position.
Gradually, we all meandered to separate corners of the lakeshore, similar to wind-up toys that are set in motion and eventually get stuck in the corners of the playroom. I had my SLR camera and 3 rolls of film, and was absorbed in crafting the finest compositions of photographic beauty and splendor, which resulted in a few really cool prints for my collection, but mostly a bunch of mysterious “you had to be there” images like a close-up of a crushed m & m on a flat rock, or a stick poking out of a crack. Greg and Nate had returned to the site of their ignominious sleepover on the south shore of the lake near Bumblebee Springs, and were rolling large boulders into the lake uproariously. Chris had decided to explore the imposing, brush-choked north shore of the lake, and his location could be reliably discerned at any time by violent thrashing of bushes and heartfelt cursing. Deion was closest to me, and we conversed animatedly from time to time about various earth-shaking discoveries we had found, such as a weather worn forked stick that resembled a deer antler.
Sometime later, I showed Deion a truly rare find: an open pine cone full of seeds that had been unmolested by chipmunks. We huddled over it intensely like neurosurgeons, dissecting its contents in meticulous wonder. The entirety of the lake was so overwhelming in my consciousness that I felt I had to keep focusing on minutia to retain my sanity. I placed a perfect pine nut in the palm of my hand and marveled at its natural completeness, honoring the beatific energy contained in that small kernel, with the blueprints for a beautiful pine tree locked deep inside. “Look,” I said. “Each pine cone has enough seeds to make a whole forest!”
Deion grinned crookedly at me with his clever expression of knowing what you were thinking and being way ahead of you, and said simply, “Sure, but do you know how many forests are in one seed?” This profound statement completely bowled me over, literally, as I swooned on the rock ledge where we sat in ecstatic appreciation of the magnificence of creation. Deion had done it again: distilling the totality of a thing down to its essence, and rocking the foundations of my logic.
Wanting to share this epiphany, I absentmindedly spoke to Chris as if he were standing near us. “Hey Chris, how many trees are in a seed?”
The answer came a few seconds later, as if spoken directly over my shoulder. “Who cares?”
I whirled around in recognition that I had last seen Chris several hundred yards away. Sure enough, there he was: a distant speck sitting on a coffin-shaped rock, at the edge of the opposite shore. Amazed, I said in normal conversational volume, “Wow, can you hear me?”
“Of course,” he said with a delay from the distance. “Pretty cool, huh?”
I looked across the lake about a thousand yards away and picked out Nate’s orange vest in a cleft of granite at the base of a cliff. “Nate, can you hear us?”
Nate and Greg had tired of rolling boulders and were hunched over something equally fascinating to them. The stillness of the lake had regained its primacy, and it amplified his reply. “Y-yeah, I can hear you! Greg, we can hear them!”
Greg farted loudly, and for all of us, it took great effort not to fall in the lake from laughing.
It turned out that the shore of the lake acted as a natural amphitheater, with perfect acoustics when we were all at approximately the same level. We experimented by assuming different levels, or positioning ourselves up against cliffs, and croaking softly, “Grok!” (This was in honor of Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein, a book that all of us had read and loved. We were grokking plenty that day, I assure you.) We found that the best audibility was to be had at the lake shore, where the sound waves seemed to skim across the water like flat stones, and we had an amazing conversation about nothing at all. Like Alexander Graham Bell during the moment of his greatest triumph, we couldn’t think of anything profound to say, and our incredible sonic discoveries quickly degraded into long distance insults.
There’s no doubt that magic mushrooms can be a lot of fun, and make people say really stupid things that sound profound at the time. But oh, the crystalline clarity of thought that transcends words! The absolute certainty of one’s unassailable place in the universe! The knowing beyond all knowing! Regular forms of communication may be greatly impaired by psilocybin, but the wavelengths of the soul are coming in loud and clear. There is a comforting resolution to all of life’s problems, and the grinding, frozen glacier of details that weighs on one’s unenhanced mind in “civilization” melts away to leave a sweetly flowing stream of cool, calm consciousness. To me, the legendary mushroom excursions of Little Bear Lake were touchstones of inspiration that formed a template for my life.
“The illusion holds power over you when you are not able to remember that you are a powerful spirit that has taken on the physical experience for the purpose of learning. It has power over you when you are compelled by the wants and impulses and values of your personality. It holds power over you when you fear and hate and sorrow and fester in anger or strike out in rage. It has no power over you when you love, when compassion opens your heart to others, when your creativity flows unimpeded joyously into the present moment. In other words, the illusion holds no power over a personality that is fully aligned with its soul.”
— Gary Zukav
Thanks for your blog, nice to read. Do not stop.
Thanks for reading! I’m adding new content and posts almost every day.